Joke (Male & Female)
– Make love, not war. —– Hell, do both, get married!
– A woman sits down next to an attractive man on a bus. She says "you look just like my 4th husband". The man replies, "Your FOURTH husband, how many times have you been married?" "Three" the woman replies.
– I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
– After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice".
– The difference between a girlfriend and a wife is about 100 pounds.
– Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. – Albert Einstein
– How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
– The secret to successful investing for retirement is to keep your first wife !!!
– A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
– A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
– Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
– My wife and I were happy for twenty years…then we met.
– Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
– Whenever I date a guy I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
– Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
– A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied "A billionaire."
– I think – therefore I’m single
– Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to!
– When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
– Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
– A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked. "Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce."
– Why do married men gain weight while single men don’t? A single man goes to the refrigerator, sees nothing that he wants, and goes to bed. A married man goes to bed, sees nothing he wants, and goes to the refrigerator.
– Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.